do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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