No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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