The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
