Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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