I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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