your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
