Moan for me like Helen Keller
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize