im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
