I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
