its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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