Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
