We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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