Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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