final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
