i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize