I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
