All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
