I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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