i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
