it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
