I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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