just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize