you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
God, I missed his penis.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
