shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
