life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
