Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize