so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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