yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
