All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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