mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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