YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
