I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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