It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
