Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
