Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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