I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
