dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
