In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
