Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
