You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize