All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
