I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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