Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
