I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
