God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
