taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
