two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
