Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
