They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
3 2 1 whiskey
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
