So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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