Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
