That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
