I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
