Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
