in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
