Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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