Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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