break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
