I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize