yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
