why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
