Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
