Hey man sorry I got all grabby
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
