Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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