i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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