I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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