the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
