Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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