it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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