I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
