My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
