If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
