if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
