Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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