if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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