Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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