I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So much rum. So many feels.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize