I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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